Friday, May 25, 2012

Excited About Nothing

Four weeks into my new routine and I’m feeling pretty darn good. I consider myself to be very fortunate. Despite the changes taking place, we all seem to be transitioning pretty smoothly. I was a bit worried about living with my mom again after so many years of being on my own, starting a family and being the queen of my own place. To my surprise, I’m actually feeling pretty spoiled nowadays. It’s so nice going home every night and find that dinner’s already made. Wow - I’m never gonna want to move out! Ha!
One of the things I’m enjoying most is having my own room. No more snoring to keep me up at night – yay! I also like being surrounded only by the things I love and use most. Prior to the move, I donated, sold and gave away so much stuff. I only kept my favorite shoes, got rid of clothes that was too big or too small and kept only what I wear and like. I have very little décor, kept only a handful of CDs and very few books, only the ones I haven’t read yet. Everything I now own and share my space with has use and purpose in my life. That, my friends, is a pretty good feeling.
I don’t know where I’ll be in a year or two, but I do know that when I move out of my mom’s all I’m taking with me are my personal belongings (clothing, shoes, computer equipment), nothing else. No furniture, no kitchen items – nothing. That too is pretty exciting! Life has its ways if giving us a fresh start. In my case, my life is being transformed before my very eyes in many ways. I gave God control a while back, and ever since, every change, every step to where I’m at, even the shedding of material things has felt so right. So yes, I’m excited about “nothing." Excited about starting over with nothing, no attachment to material things, only a general vision of where I’ll be in a year or two (a better place), and having a clean slate in all areas of my life. Pretty. Darn. Cool.
While most people in my place would be devastated, I just see it as an opportunity for growth. Divorce and separations are never easy, but once you look at the positive side of things, you are able to look back, then look ahead, take a breath and relax knowing that wherever life takes us, it can’t be worse than it has been. In my case, the last five years of my life have been so tough; most of it due to my (still) husband’s gambling addiction. He’s such a nice guy, but the damage an addiction like that can do to a family is in many cases, irreparable. I hold no grudge against him, just want him to learn from this experience and become the person he was meant to be. Not being weighed down by the consequences of his addiction, I too can grow and become who I was meant to be, and be able to show my daughter just how beautiful life can be when your basic needs are being met and you invest your time and money wisely making memories with your family.
So, go on, have a fabulous three day weekend! Make lots of memories with your family and take lots of pictures. In the end, the love you share, the joy you give and receive, the food you eat and songs you sing, the laughter you create with snorting sounds and all  – yup, in the end that’s all that matters!

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